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A school teacher injured
his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part
of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at
all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt,
he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window
as wide as possible and then busied himself with deskwork.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler
and stapled the tie to his chest.He had no discipline problems
with any of his students that term.
 ......
Mike grew up in a small
town, then moved away to attend college and law school.
Upon passing the bar, he decided to move back to the small town
where he could be a big fish in a little pond. He really wanted
to impress everyone, so he opened a beautiful new office. Unfortunately,
business was slow and he had no telephones.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office, and
he decided to try and make a big impression on his newest client.
So as the man came up to the door, Mike picked up the phone, motioned
the man in, and barked into the phone, "No. Absolutely not.
You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case
for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to
hear that case next week.
I'll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of
my team will provide support.
Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss
the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes.
All the while, the man sat patiently while Joe rattled off instructions.
Finally, Mike put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm
sorry for the delay," he said,
"but as you can see, I'm very busy. Now, what can I do for
you?"
"Sorry to catch you when you're busy," the man replied
calmly,
"but I'm from the phone company, and I've come to hook up
your phone."
......
It was Halloween and three
vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar.
"What will you have?" the bartender asked.
"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the
second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said...
"That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
DOH!
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